I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
