i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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