Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
