Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
