3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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