they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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