Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
