i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
