if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
