That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
