dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
