her facebook's as public as her vagina
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
