Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize