Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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