Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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