Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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