there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
two words...techno handjob
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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