I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
