I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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