I wannas sexs uuuuu
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
