Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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