My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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