just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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