apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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