I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
