Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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