I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
