I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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