oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
