How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
