FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
