those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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