Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
