Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
