My balls are so social today.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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