How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
