i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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