When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
