Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
