My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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