She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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