Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
