dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
