I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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