you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
