So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
