Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
