Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
