i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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