Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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