I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
