i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
