he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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