I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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