I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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