I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
