I want to walk on stilts...naked
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
