You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
