This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
