If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
