After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
