My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
