Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
